It's still summer. The crickets are gathering in a symphony of night noises. The ceiling fan is softly whirring away the heat. The stars are tucking the daytime into bed. And your nurses said you're sleeping.
We miss you this week, Chloe girl. We miss you without us.
We went to the park and soaked in the fading rays of summer. We've started school and are trying to get ahead before your surgery. Your big brother started Kindergarten and your big sister started Preschool! We had a picnic and prayed for you before we dug into our feast of Lunchables and popcorn.
We decided to celebrate Daddy's birthday and your big sister's birthday together this weekend since we're not sure where we'll be in a few weeks. We made Arendelle cakes. We used your syringes. Hope you don't mind, sweet girl. We played tea party with Elsa and Anna, painted our faces full of make-up, we stepped on Legos and opened presents. We made cakes and sang and played with balloons by your crib. Your grandma even bought you a new bright book to read while you sit up during PT.
We made a Lemonade stand. We baked in the heat while we poured sweet {store-bought} lemonade, and held cups of condensation with pudgy little Frozen-painted fingers and placed pretty white and red straws in the splash of yellow cups. We called and checked in on you and you were at six hours off your vent!! Way to go little one!!
We played dollies and watched movies. I asked your sister if she could snuggle with anyone tonight before bed, who would it be, and after I listed everyone in the room she said, "Baby Chloe."
You might not be here, sweet girl, but you're where you need to be. We pray the day away that you'll continue to thrive and do better as you await your surgery, in hopes of a refreshed heart. We pray Christmas comes soon, and behind it this long summer, the surgery and recovery, and look forward to the day of less nurses and more just family time. Just us. The five of us under one roof with less beeping and more playing. I painted your sisters room and can't wait for the day that you'll get to join her in sharing a room as sisters. I bought you a coat for winter and already had it cleaned. It's hanging by the front door where I see it often and think of you and what you'll look like in your first real winter coat this year. And I've already picked out your fall pictures outfit, hanging sweetly in your closet. Your sister wore it for her first year fall pictures, and I have great hope that you will too.
People are praying for you, sweet girl. They're asking how you're doing and sending their love. I hope your heart is overflowing with love tonight as you cuddle your taggy and drift sweetly to sleep. That red hair needs rest in order to grow.
You're with us even when we're at home, and you're loved every minute. We'll get through this, but only with Jesus as our guide. We'll walk this road, but only because He gives us strength to do so. We'll dance in these mine fields of medical moments and know that He'll see us safely through.
We love you sweet girl. Sleep well, for summer will soon give way to the chill of autumn, and with it a much needed new shunt and a new season of healing while Mommy holds you in one arm and sips a Pumpkin Spice Latte with the other hand.
There will be much, much cuddling very soon. Daddy will be on his way soon and we'll pray for safe travels and quick snuggles. We'll pray for your team as we decide how to best wait out these next four weeks as they meet this week to decide. We'll let you get grandma snuggles and homeschool time with your brother while your sister hides her Elsa and Anna dolls under your bed again for the nurses to find.
Know you are loved, Chloe girl, and missed every moment we're apart. Sweet dreams, sweet girl.
Love,
Mama
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