Monday, April 21, 2014

Week 36...

9 months.

We hit 9 months today.

We've had doctors tell us she won't make it this far. We've had geneticists and doctors that asked if we're sure we want to continue this pregnancy. We, at one point, were told to simply go home and wait....for no heartbeat.

But we fought for her. And a thousand ultrasounds later, and delivery is now 7 days away.

We had our last regular OB appointment and ultrasound today. We gave some little gifts to the receptionists (who have even started offering the remotes to us ;) ), nurse, and our doc as thank yous for putting up with us every week since December 23rd, and as a thank you for not fleeing the country or retiring thanks to all of our endless questions and freak out moments. We gave and received hugs, and we prayed together one last time.

I've been to Target for hospital/Ronald McDonald House stuff no less than four times in the last 2 days. I think the cashiers are taking bets on what time I'll be in tomorrow. I've made lists of to-do's without actually doing much of them yet...i.e. hospital bag...eek! Should really get that done!!!

We've had many people ask how we're coping/doing with this being so soon, and honestly, we don't really know how to answer that. We've been having a lot of family time with the kids. We've done a lot of talking through things in preparation. We've tried our best to get schedules ready.

But in terms of the actual delivery...I honestly don't know how to answer that. On one hand, I'm panicking and freaking out about c-section again. I'm fearful that I won't hear her first cry. I'm nervous as to how she'll do during delivery or if she'll be in any distress. I'm curious if we'll get to see her before she's whisked to the adjoining room where her doctors will begin to care for her. I'm scared but prepared that we might not be able to hold her...and yet on top of all of this, there are moments of calm, which can only be of the Holy Spirit and nothing else.

So this week, we pack. We attack the to do lists. We give up on the lists and sit and cuddle the sleepy two year old, or play cars with the four year old. We pack. Then we realize we needed something in the bag, wear it, wash it, pack it again. We try to remember to pray before letting fear set in on the moments we get nervous. We hold back tears. We let tears flow. We lean on one another. We talk about this with the kids. They're excited for all of the grandparent spoiling they're about to receive. We pray.

And we try to remember that,

" '..My thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways My ways, ' declares the Lord.
'As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways,
and My thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven, 
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish, 
so that it yields seed for the sower
and bread for the eater,
so is My Word that goes out from My mouth;
It will not return empty,
but will accomplish the purpose for which I
have sent it.' "
Isaiah 55:8-11

We trust in the Lord.

And we pray and ask for prayers:

-We've made it to 36 weeks!!!
-We've been surrounded by SO many people that have loved on us and encouraged us, and prayed for us.
-That the Lord provided to meet our EVERY need.
-We've been blessed with an amazing medical team, both here and in KC.
-When we've lost our grip on this, He's pulled us back to Him and reminded us of His love.

~For safety in travel for all family that will be coming from Iowa in the coming weeks starting this weeks, and also safety in travel for us to and around KC. (We head over very early Friday morning).
~For wisdom and discernment of the doctors, especially during the last sonogram on Friday morning at 11am.
~For a sort of retreat weekend between Alan and I, and time in the Word and prayer as we anticipate Monday's delivery.
~For a safe and healthy delivery for me, and that Chloe would do great during it as well.
~For no surprise issues at birth for Chloe.
~For peace in our hearts.
~For peace in our children's hearts as we're away from them.
~For sanity for the grandparents who will be loving on the kiddos.
~For the Lord's will in all of this, that it would bring Him glory.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" {Hillsong United}
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine


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