Friday, June 20, 2014

A Brief Recap

This post is a transcription of Jodie's handwritten reflections about the last week, dated 6-19-14.

I've been wanting to recap the emotions from the last week, but have not had time to sit at the computer.  And I'm still not sure how to sum up the events of this last week, sin instead, here's a slight recap...

In the last week I have...

-Said goodbye to my son and daughter on the spur of the moment for an undetermined amount of time.

-Heard the words "The parents are on their way," "They wouldn't let me back till you guys got here," "The parents are here," etc.

-Watched from afar as 12+ doctors and nurses work on your baby, and shoot you worried sideglances.

-Felt like your knees were going to give out from the weight of it all.

-Been on automode, sleeping only when pure exhaustion consumes us.

-Endured letting a new friend do our laundry, including underwear, cause she's amazing like that.

-Prayed more times than I can count.

-Learned the verbage surrounding ventilators.

-Endured knowing my son was sick with the flu, the sickest he's ever been in his life, and knowing I couldn't be with him to comfort him...and knowing he wanted us to be there.

-Listening to my husband cough all night and being scared about his asthma. Taking him to the ER.

-Experiencing an extubation attempt, and seeing my sweet daughter turn ghostly white in my hands.

-Receiving texts from my husband saying things like blood tests, CT scans, IV started, all while watching the ENT, RT, and nurses re-intubate my daughter.

-Enduring not being able to hold my sweet baby.  Not cuddle my sweet toddler girl, not hold my son's hand while he was sick.  Not have my husband by my side during extubation/intubation.

-Felt immense love from my friends who have done our laundry, cleaned our room, watched our kids, cared for our kids, loved our kids, sat and cried with us, sat and laughed with us, sat in silence with us, prayed for us, prayed over Chloe, sat with us during surgery, brought us food, baked for us, cleaned our child's puke, stepped in our child's poop, organized childcare for us.

-Signed a consent for surgery, which included such risks as possible cardiac arrest.

-If I have any strength left, any ground to stand on, any peace to close my eyes and finally sleep, it is this...

"You have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy." Ps 61:3

"He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken." Ps 62:2

"Trust in Him at all times.." Ps 62:8

"Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.  For our heart is glad in Him; because we trust in His holy name.  Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in You." Ps 33:20-22

"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lam 3:21-23