Saturday, April 11, 2015

::: Simple Things Chloe Has Taught Me :::

Simple, everyday, didn't-notice-it-before things that Chloe has taught me... (Be warned, it's random)...

1. I like to tweak things. I like to think outside the box, and a good challenge. I realized this when I put on the new infinity yellow and white striped gauzy scarf my mama bought me. It just didn't look right. So I spliced it with some nifty sharp scissors right up the seam to make a regular scarf. My nurse laughed at me in shock. I now love it. I also did this the first time we decided to use the deluxe awesome stroller we'd received as a shower gift for our firstborn five years ago to take Chloe on a walk a couple of weeks ago. No offense to her custom made ride we got when we brought her home from the NICU, but it's a monster. Her vent machine wasn't fitting in the bottom mesh-sided storage place on our old stroller, so I simply spliced the mesh and shoved the vent filter through and connected the tube to the other side.We're constantly tweaking things around here to make them work better for her.  "Necessity is the mother of invention." -English Proverb (...or great quote from the Little Women movie.) 

2. I listen to music loudly. I should really turn it down a notch (like my son said yesterday, when I didn't even know he knew the word notch). But then again, Chloe's hard of hearing. So blare it I will. Music listening is no good unless you can hear it throughout the four corners of the house. And so Chloe can participate in the listening. Well, blare it until the nurse comments that she can't hear me talk or my husband comes home and turns it down. And changes the music. He does that. 

3. 80% of my body is composed of coffee. Not that this is new knowledge, of course. Chloe just seems to bring it out in me, like at 9am when I'm in need of cup two before giving the nurse who's just walked in our door the daily report. They've learned to not ask too many thinking questions until I've had my coffee. 

4. I ninja kick the handle on the toilet to avoid germs. Always done this. My mama taught me well. Just didn't realize the exact importance until Chloe came along. I always thought it just made going waters in a public restroom more challenging and fun. Then again, I've become aware that there have been moments as a mama of littles that I've done this in our own home. Yep. Helped child #2 go waters (and by helped I mean following her into the bathroom like she asked so that she could have girl talk with me, though she didn't exactly need me for any other reason, and having not touched anything, avoiding drying my hands out by yet another washing if I just karate kick the handle. Note: Landlords-I've been gentle. All handles are unbroken!). 

5. I learn best by doing it myself, hands on. Again, I've always known this, but Chloe emphasized it. I learn medical stuff by doing and seeing, not reading and studying.

6. I'm braver than I thought. I know, sounds cliche and stolen quote from Winnie the Pooh. But it's true, none-the-less. I've changed out mic-key buttons. This means actually taking a medical device out of her body, and seeing the stoma (aka hole into body) below. This used to terrify me when I knew I'd have to learn it to bring her home. The first time I did it in the hospital, the surgery resident who helped place it walked me through changing it, and conveniently "forgot" to tell me it'd shoot out bile/formula/gastric acids all over me. Forgot. Right. But I did it, and I didn't hurt her, and now I'm a mic-key button changing ninja. There are many deeper reasons she's taught me how brave I am, but we'll stick with funny surface reasons for now. Like handling her blowout runny diaper yesterday without getting it on any tubes or contaminating any cords. I was brave for that too. 

7. I like medicine and science. I used to hate science. I'm convinced it's what pulled down my GPA in high school. And seriously, how many amoebas can one draw and describe in a notebook and turn into their science teacher in one semester? #boring. But now...I Google it. I Youtube it. I research it. And I've come to enjoy it. I find myself playing Trivia Crack with my aunt and realizing that I ace the science questions constantly. Still waiting on my NICU dictionary to show up in the mail though. 

8. I'm a bit crazier than I thought. I took my nurse, one three year old, one five year old, and one almost one year old on a trach (she was off-vent on trials that day, but we packed it along incase) to the zoo last week. Seriously. Either crazy, or awesome mothering/parenting there. Not sure which yet. Still weighing that one. 

9. My heart really does grow in love with each child. I used to fear this after we had our first and were we anticipating our next-the fear most mothers have of can I really love another child as much as I love this one? But when He gives you a child and you try to grow them, He grows your heart too. It's kind of a package deal. And even the sweet baby we lost, our first, yeah, there's place in my heart to still love that one too. <3

Having trouble narrowing in on a #10 here. Like I said, it's random. The OCD in me wants to end on #10, but let's be honest, the lessons Chloe's teaching me could go on for a while. So we'll end on #9, and embrace the fact that while she's learning from us, we're learning from her. 

Oh, wait. That's it. OCD relieved...

10. That she teaches me us more than I we can ever teach her. 

11. I'm apparently a ninja. 


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